If you are experiencing divorce, you are most likely experiencing many different—often extreme—emotions. Many decisions are required during this emotional time of the dissolution of your marriage. But what you know about the connection between emotions and decision-making can help you navigate your divorce mediation process more smoothly.
Here’s what you need to know:
Emotions and Decision-Making in Mediation
Emotional awareness during your divorce is essential. Emotions play a crucial role in your mediation process.
Emotions influence:
- The choices you make
- The speed and confidence in which decisions are made
- The outcome of the decisions
Emotions can complicate the mediation process because they have the potential to impact decisions significantly. Awareness and processing of emotions are essential to making fair decisions that will support your well-being and future stability.
Here are some ways that emotions influence decisions and the potential consequences:
1) Stress and Anxiety –
- Influence – Stress and anxiety are common in divorce and are often the result of uncertainty. Stress and anxiety can cloud judgment, leading to rushed, impulsive, or poorly thought-out decisions
- Consequence – When stressed out or filled with anxiety, a spouse might agree to an unfair settlement just to expedite the process and reduce immediate stress and in an attempt to gain “certainty”.
2) Anger and Revenge
- Influence– Divorcing partners frequently feel anger towards each other and about the situation. This anger can lead to impulsiveness and thoughts of revenge. Anger-fueled emotions can drive individuals to attempt to punish their spouse rather than secure their own best future.
- Consequence—Out of anger and feelings of revenge, one spouse may reject a fair settlement offer just to be spiteful. This will prolong the process, increase costs for both parties, and create more animosity.
3) Guilt and Regret-
- Influence—Feelings of guilt can lead to overly generous settlement agreements. This may be especially true if one partner feels responsible for the breakdown of the marriage.
- Consequence – A guilt-stricken or regretful spouse might agree to give up a larger share of assets or forgo alimony to “make amends” and soothe the feelings of guilt and shame.
4) Fear of the Future
- Influence– Fear of the future and resistance to change can cause individuals to cling to assets that might not be in their best interest to keep.
- Consequence – A spouse might fight to keep the family home despite being unable to afford its upkeep, leading to long-term financial strain.
5) Sadness and Depression
- Influence – Sadness and depression can result in a lack of engagement in the divorce and mediation process leading to passive decisions that may not be sensible, sustainable or sound.
- Consequence – A spouse may be despondent and not actively participate in financial negotiations resulting in an inequitable division of assets.
6) Desire for a Quick Resolution
- Influence – The desire to move on quickly can result in settling for less than one was entitled to.
- Consequence – A spouse might accept an initial offer without fully understanding its implications just to avoid prolonged conflict and to “just get it over with”.
By managing your emotions in a healthy manner, you’ll be in a better position to work through the divorce mediation process with greater ease and efficiency and make decisions that are in your best interest, both now and in the future.