A roller coaster with lots of ups and downs and unexpected twists and turns.
Being alone in a dark forest – disoriented, lost, fearful – and worried there is no safe way out.
Trapped in a maze with potential wrong turns everywhere – stuck, frustrated, panicked. Overwhelmed and not knowing what’s around the next corner. Angry about this entire situation.
Being thrown around in a rowboat in the middle of a choppy ocean. Without oars to control your movement or guide your direction. Helpless and bounced around. Adrift with no land in sight.
These are some ways that divorce has been described.
When your life is impacted by divorce, it can seem like your world is suddenly turned upside down. You are faced with dividing up the life you created during your marriage…for better or worse. You probably feel out of control with unknowns and uncertainty. But having choices can help you feel more in control because you will be more in control. Mediation is a divorce process that has the potential to maximize your choices to ultimately give you the most control throughout the dissolution of your marriage. Your choices during your divorce mediation can lead to a smoother process, better overall outcomes, and a more empowered post-divorce life.
1. Choose Mediation Willingly
– Both partners should agree to mediation voluntarily. Mediation works best when both spouses are committed to resolving issues amicably.
2. Choose the Right Mediator
– Choose an experienced, neutral mediator. Look for someone with a good track record and, ideally, with expertise in finance and/or family law. Ensure that both partners feel comfortable with the choice of mediation professional.
3. Choose to be Prepared
– Gather all necessary financial documents, lists of assets and liabilities, property records, and any other relevant information. Being well-prepared helps the process move smoothly.
4. Choose Clear Goals
– Identify your priorities and what you are willing to compromise on. Communicate these goals clearly to your mediator. Make a list of priorities and possible compromises. Focus on fair and practical solutions.
5. Choose Open Communication
– Be honest and transparent with your spouse and the mediator. Approach conversations with a cooperative mindset. Avoid blame or past resentments and focus on finding mutually acceptable resolutions. Effective communication is key to a successful mediation.
6. Choose to Focus on the Big Picture
– Avoid getting caught up or bogged down in minor issues. Commit to reaching a fair and sustainable agreement. Keep long-term goals in mind, such as financial stability and emotional well-being.
7. Choose to Manage Your Emotions
– Stay calm and composed during mediation sessions. Strive for emotional balance. Practice stress relief techniques such as mindfulness, meditation, journaling, and exercise. Consider seeking the help of a counselor or Divorce Coach to help manage your emotions.
8. Choose Realistic Expectations
– Mediation involves give-and-take. Understand that compromise is necessary and that you may not get everything you want. Be prepared to make concessions and find middle ground. Also, be aware that your mediation might take a number of sessions.
9. Choose Your Children
– If you have children, prioritize their well-being, needs and interests. Work towards a co-parenting plan that serves their best interests and is stable and supportive.
10. Choose Other Professionals as Needed
– Financial professionals can help assess the financial implications of proposed settlements. Lawyers can review agreements to ensure your rights are protected. A Divorce Coach or Counselor can help you with the emotional aspects of divorce.
11. Choose to Be Flexible
– Be willing to adapt your approach as new information comes to light or as circumstances change. Be willing to explore creative solutions that meet both partner’s needs.
12. Choose to be Organized
– Document everything. Keep detailed records of all agreements and discussions. This helps prevent misunderstandings later on.
13. Choose the Future
– Aim to maintain a cordial relationship with your ex-spouse, especially if you have children. This can make post-divorce life more manageable. Focus your mediation on resolving your divorce amicably and moving forward positively.
14. Choose Yourself
– Ensure you are looking after your own well-being. Physical and mental health can significantly impact your ability to navigate the mediation process effectively.
15. Choose to be Honest
– Being honest and transparent with full disclosure of all assets, debts, and relevant information is crucial for a fair process. Hidden assets or dishonesty can derail mediation and lead to legal complications.
16, Choose Mediation
– Acknowledge that a successful mediation can save time, money, and emotional stress compared to a contentious court battle.